There I was minding my own business polishing the glassware whispering sweetly into Mimi’s ears when all of a sudden…
“Rene, Rene, quick quick I think I’ve sprung a leak”
Now I’m used to hearing Yvette calling out my name but not usually when I am in a different room to her! I kiss Mimi on the head and dash into the back room to find Yvette leant over the aluminium radiators under the window. Water is pouring out from underneath them and she is soaked through.
I knew I should never have trusted LeClerc with such an important task as finding and fitting new radiators last winter, we have had nothing but problems with them since. I wanted to go to http://apolloradiators.co.uk/Category/3/header/3/radiator-ranges but oh no Edith’s mother (the silly old bat) told me that LeClerc – who had recently taken to shacking up with my mother in law, knew best. Well the evidence in front of me would seem to indicate that as well being a giant pain in my backside my mother in law also doesn’t have a clue what she is talking about.
Now whilst normally I would jump at the chance to be in the back room alone with Yvette, even more so now she is soaked through, I knew that my extra martial clandestine ways would have to wait. First things first I had to find a way to fix these blasted radiators.
Just as I am about to leave the café in search of spare parts who should walk into the café but Helga and that blinking Gestapo officer Herr Flick. What she sees in him I don’t know! I back up into the café quickly as I am sure you are aware I have been hiding the stranded British airmen underneath my mother in laws bed and who knows what would happen to me if Herr Flick were to find – well I know it would be unpleasant.
I have no alternative but to rush down to the basement to find my tools. Hopefully I can find a wrench somewhere that I can use to turn the blinking radiators off. As I turn around Mimi is right behind me. She has that look in her eyes. “Oh Rene!” Uh-Oh I know what that means. I really don’t have time for this today! I pick Mimi up and sit her on top of the beer barrels and dash out of the room. I’m going to pay for that later, and not in a good way.
As I finally return to the back room with a wrench in my hand ready to turn the radiator valves off once and for all who should I see standing by the window but Officer Crabtree – the worst undercover British agent I have ever known. That’s all I need. He really is … what do the British say?? Oh, yes … he really is a twerp!